Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect...
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Bigamy is having a wife too many. Monogamy is the same...
I just broke up with somebody and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone else like you?!"
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.
We don't do that here. We only take urine samples.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
There is a good side and a bad side to most people, and in accordance with your own character and disposition you will bring out one of them and the other will remain a sealed book to you...
Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
My brain? That´s my second favorite organ.
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